When One Partner Wants Monogamy and The Other Does Not

By Emma Costa, LMFT-A

Differences in relationship preferences are more common than many people realize. Sometimes one partner desires monogamy while the other feels drawn to non-monogamy or polyamory. These differences can feel overwhelming, confusing, and even threatening to the relationship. It is normal for feelings of fear, sadness, or jealousy to arise. Understanding and navigating these differences requires compassion, patience, and clear communication.

The first step is often acknowledging that both perspectives are valid. Choosing monogamy does not make someone controlling, and exploring non-monogamy does not mean someone is unfaithful. Each preference reflects personal values, experiences, and needs. Therapy can provide a neutral space to explore these feelings, helping partners understand why they hold their preferences and what they hope to gain or protect in a relationship.

In sessions, couples can work on expressing emotions without blame or defensiveness. Therapy helps partners articulate what monogamy or non monogamy means to them, including expectations, boundaries, and fears. For example, one partner may fear loss or disconnection if non-monogamy is explored, while the other may feel stifled or constrained by strict monogamous rules. Exploring these emotions safely can reduce misunderstandings and prevent resentment from building.

Sometimes the outcome is compromise, and sometimes it is realizing that the relationship cannot meet both partners’ needs. Therapy supports both possibilities by helping individuals make decisions that honor their values while preserving emotional safety. Even if the couple chooses to part ways, this process can foster understanding, mutual respect, and closure rather than conflict or lingering hurt.

Ultimately, when one partner wants monogamy and the other does not, therapy is about creating clarity and compassion. It is about learning to communicate openly, explore personal and shared boundaries, and make choices that are authentic rather than reactive. Partners are able to navigate these differences thoughtfully and can emerge stronger, more honest, and more aligned with the needs of everyone involved within couples therapy.